The HUGE txt msg log.

I am currently at 816 txt msgs in my inbox. As one would guess, my phone is working REALLY slowly right now.

There's some funny shit in there, so I didn't want to erase it 'til i blogged it in some shape or form.

So here it is. Some of it's out of context...and that's the way I like 'em.


Oldest first:
October '07
Kate K:
pic msg of Boba Fett, "I want, $325 :("

Rhett:
Yes. Foxtail v kite. Fight of the century.

My sister:
My prof talks like the priest from princess bride. With a chinese accent. For some reason I want to kill him.

Rhett:
I knew the Goth chick in u would freak

Rhett:
This is the drunkest text I've ever read.

John: (from my living room couch)
Want to say goodbye but I don't know which room is yours LOL!

Eric: pic msg of an entombed rattlesnake
What does your boss bring in from home?

Older Sister: pic msg of my niece falling asleep for the first time on her own
unbelievable.

Little Sister:
You're a WTF. White Typical Filipino. Ha ha ha.

Kate:
Marry, fuck or kill: Aunt Jemima, the Pillsbury Doughboy, or the Oscar Meyer Weiner Guy...


December '07

Eric: no txt, just a picture of him celebrating the UH win when I was in Hawai'i and he was in San Jose.

Mom: (actually it was my little sister txting from her phone, my mom doesn't know what txts are)
Hi, you're my favorite daughter.

My little sister:
OMG you SO write slash type like how we talked crap about.

Rhett:
Where r u, Bitch!

Rhett:
-Ok. Good job. Stollbpn for a movie tmr?
-(next morning) Wow. I was fucked up. Totally don't remember this txt conversatoin. 4:00 Juno?

Josh:
Felic Navidad!


Rhett:
-No thanks. I'm on day 2 of a hangover anyway.
me:
-me too.
Rhett:
-I have not felt like this since 21st bday. No Idea what happened.
me:
-I'm having the worst hangover of my life. If you told me killing a kitten right now would help I would do it.
Rhett:
-Candice, killing the RIGHT kitten will help.
me:
-Shit. It must have been the wrong kitten.

January '08

During the Sugar Bowl:
Christian:
Colt Brennan Sucks!
My little sister:
-That's okay. Hopefully someone gets punched. I hope the GA team gets gonorrhea from their cheerleaders.
-Oh and joel says the GA QB is one chromosome away from down syndrome.
---

Keane:
Simpsons movie worse the 2nd time.


Rhett:
-That's not english!
-I have no idea what u r talking about, but I can tell you have been drinking

Chris K:
I'm a douchebag!

Febuary '08

My little sister: picture of the huge back tattoo she just got..
"Don't kill me."

Rhett:
Me wantee drinkee.

Eric:
fuckin wondercon craziness woohoo

Eric:
Time to shoot your engineers! Site is down again!!

Kate:
I just scored a bubble umbrella! Take that rain!

Rhett:
U r so coming in costume tomorrow.

Lil Sis:
So me and mom are at cpk and we ordered a salad and a pizza. And the waitress was like did you want the salad to come out first or did you want them to come out at the same time? And mom just did her stare and said it comes with a salad?!
I was like MOM! We ORDERED a salad!

Jeremy(roomie)
"Hey Dirty! Baby I got ya money Dont u worry!" -O.D.B.

Jeremy:
Just thought you'd like to know the new roomie cleaned out the microwave.

March '08

Brendan:
Word. H4x0rz up n00bs down.

Lil Sis: pic msg of her burger king kids club card from like 10 years ago.

Paul C:
This is the best creme egg in the history of the universe. You've made up for the Bon Jovi mistake earlier.

Lil sis:
And at your white trash party dont forget to chew gum with your mouth open.

and i just broke it scrollin through

Oliver:
Holy shit. my only advice is don't kill anybody.

lil sis:
Mom seriously jacked two holy waters when the priest said take one. Seriously, it's not the holy grail.

Oliver:
Yarr i do but i have movie plans with a friend who's in town. plus apparently your text was an hour and a half ago.

Tobi:
Yup I love it tobi in the city of hot bois well there better be. I want clam chowder.

Kelsey:
Love you drunky.
Get up and get in bed mother fucker (apparently I was on the ground)

April '08

Rhett:
So Brittany just saw her first metal show.

Kelsey:
you rule.

Kat:
I just heard this gay guy say "girl you do NOT let your faghag get that drunk. That's gay boyfriend 101!" and then we walked past nizario's pizza and saw a girl fall off her seat. Her gay bf caught her though.

Kat:
Nah i'm trying to quit, it's cutting into my cocaine money

Lil sis
Im gonna kill ticketmaster

Brendan: picmsg of Papyrus
OMG ITS IN MY HOUSE

Oliver:
Watch out for stray quickenings.

Brendan: picmsg of papyrus
Its in my parents house!!!

lil sis studying in the law library:
OMG it's weird in here. Like all the desks are taken. There are books and picture frames on the desks but no one sitting there. Almost like the seats are assigned or everyone marked their territory or something
Of like their babies or significant others. It was weird. Like how you walk intoa n office full of grad student desks. Messy too.
I left! There was NO where to sit. And it was weird. Like different place weird.

Bob:
Tell Rhett I always kinda wanted to do him too. Sorry Tom.


May '08

older sis:
Buy chinese dress? Cross fingers not racist? haha. Was going 2 ask u 2 buy anyway regardless. Firm believer crossing fingers acceptable method 2 clear soul.

Oliver:
What's the flower for being a bad ass motherfucker?

Oliver:
Y'ALL CAN'T WALK NO LINE

Brendan: Picmsg of Papyrus bumper sticker saying "Create the World You Want To see"
How about a world without papyrus?

Keane:
Thanks for coming last night! It really means a lot. I woke up picking bills off the floor and trying to remember what happened. Like Memento without the Tattoos.

Rhett:
Your a bad person
Oliver:
honestly I'm too drunk to provide legal advice. I say go for it.

Maddy:
Lol. isn't it a lil early to be drinking?

Jeremy:
I'm making spam loco moco for dindin. Jealous?


Berna:
Are we going to be dino twins? You wear brontosaurus?

Dan:
Take off my socks. Ooh baby baby

June '08

Brendan:
Guh. I went to whole foods and there was so much papyrus . I almost fainted.


Okay done.
That took an HOUR and a HALF. jesus. Erasing phone now. Feels good.

EDIT:
Rhett wanted to put his side of the story. And since he has an iPhone, here's his side. I leave it up to you to put the pieces in the right place. It's part of the fun

rhettg said...

Those texts are decidedly one sided.... where is the OUTBOX Candice!!!

Candice: Devo! Whip it! i font know how but I got in

Candice: Drunk

Candice: DRUNK AS FUCK

Candice: Buzzd

Candice: Totally drunk at YOUR APARTMENT

Candice: Is it illegal to play with a baby while intoxicated