Yes, I'd be mad.

Ron: hey so
Ron: if i sf sinks into the ocean after i leave it.. would u be mad?
Ron: *shifty eyes*
Candice: um
Candice:yes
Candice:all my stuff's here
Ron: ok
Candice:so are you coming up?!
Ron: some were speculating that it didn't belong on the "DO NOT DO" list
Candice: i think it belongs on the DO NOT DO list
Candice:also
Candice: it's where star trek academy is supposed to be one day
Ron: well
Ron: they could rebuild san fran
Candice: right
Candice: but
Candice: again
Candice: all my stuff's here.
Ron: so it stays where it is
Candice: thanks!

Why do I keep clicking?

Oh, my habit of clicking on links.
Sean: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/v22940/1854/24/n100000273806139_4960.jpg

me: thefuck i just click on!?

12:02 AM helllooo

Sean: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/v22940/1854/24/n100000273806139_4960.jpg

me: why is this happening to me

Sean: http://bit.ly/9Blv5P

12:03 AM me: am i in the nightmare?

isweartogod if a tinyurl shows up

12:04 AM Sean: http://tinyurl.com/yg2rmuv

me: SONOFA I STILL CLICKED ON IT

Sean: haha

alright, this one is good

http://is.gd/7cEPE

12:05 AM me: that's odd.

never felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

Sean: welcome to OFA!

9 minutes later
Sean: [new link]
me: I don't want to click it.

What's better?

Q: What's better than enjoying $2 draft beers at a great uncrowded bar?

A: Walking up and asking if the happy hour is still going...and getting this answer:
"Everything's free until 11:30pm tonight."



WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?




(photo by Flickr user giniger)

Goodbye 2009, hello 2010. hi text messages.

I KNOW i keep doing these, but this time i saved it for a few months and then decided to publish it.

November:

Richard:
The Filipino has landed.

Alex:
This is bravo zero. I am at madrone. I repeat: I am at madrone. Over.

Brittany:
Nothing like a vamp to lift ur spirits. BTW guess who has two thumbs and is soooo considering dim sum at this exact moment? This girl!

Brittany:
Just sang Livin' On A Prayer just for u.

Scott:
Ah. I've got dinner plans =(
(Implied subtext: with a girl)

Alex:
Sonofabitch, I typed "Kona" and it autotext suggested "Jonas"

December:

Brent:
Thanks for calling me a bitch.

Sean:
The process of sending Change Report is like giving birth each time. And I don't mean caesarean section.

Stan:
Can you grab me one? I got rum.

Sister:
I was changing [your niece's] diaper just now and she said "i hungry"
Me: "What do you want to eat"
Niece: "Spam, rice, eggs."
NO LIE.

Sean:
And support the president, bitch!
And: "Yelp is NOT a diary, motherfucker!"

Scott:
Oh! Totally want to go, but I am hung.

(over)


Melody:
Bad news. Might have to break up with joel. Says he doesn't like bon jovi. Doesn't know them too well. The bastard.


Rhett:
Whore.

Megan:
Perfect. Miso happy. (i was sitting right next to her)

Brittany:
I bet you feel like shit.

Oliver (right outside my door)
Sup can i come in or what?

Brendan:
CONFIRMED: Avatar uses papyrus subtitles.

Scott:
Ha ha. Just join a threesome to make it less awkward.

Oliver:
heh fuck that guy

Alex:
I think you might have texted the wrong dude but it's super-nice to hear from you.

Brittany: From across the bus
Yeah u? Lookin mighty fine in dem jeans!

Scott:
I'M TIRED OF THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' COBBLER!

Gail:
Sheesh lady r u alive in there?

Person:
The chances of me having a Pants-free NYE are slim to none.


JANUARY

Oliver:
Was I a superhero?

Anonymous male:
Oooooooooooh. Would it be wrong of me to hit on him if I was your date?

Me to Oliver: Drunnnnnnkkkkkk!
Oliver: It ain't even 8. impressive.

Brittany (6:52pm):
THIS is why i love you!
Brittany (6:55pm):
I fucking hate you.

Oliver:
You, madam, are a lush.

Rhett:
Ok, don't panic if u beat us.

Rhett:
Quit mass texting. I want a personal notice.
Oliver:
c-town for the hat trick!
Brittany:
How dare u get drunk for Rhett?
Rhett:
THANK YOU.

Oliver:
is everything fucked?
Oliver:
gay men will do that to ya.

Sean:
Good. Sorry about the poop. Not that I did it.

Greg:
Can't take you anywhere with me :)
LOL What a little minx

Sean:
I want you to know that I am no longer a clone tool virgin.

Jay:
Totally drunk. I wanna get away from this group of people.

Me:
Candice is to BSD Forms as Sean is to Clone Tool.
Sean:
!!! Best analogy ever

Scott:
Hey, what's the plan tonight? (Is there a plan tonight?)

Scott:
Yeah, pretty much all girls ride the hate-scott-love-scott-hate-scott train. ;-)

Brittany:
Make me breakfast!!!!

Keane:
Thanks so much for rocking out! Made a difference :)

Series of txts right after I left from my roomies right after I landed in LA

Tobi:
Crash your room ok?
Josh:
Is it okay if I crash in your room tonight?
Jeremy:
Hey, I'm really tired from watching tv can I shortcut into your room for snooze?
Me:
Um sure, but just to let you know I gave a random dude at a bar the keys to the garage.
Jeremy:
It's cool, Josh is parked in the garage tonight. Soooooo...Should I sleep Tops or bottom in your room?

Felix:
Have fun! Don't get arrested! Satan don't pay for bail.

Bernadette:
ha. Drunk texting BAD. Emphasis on TEXTING :|

Ron:
How is the s&m?
Lol no good! It could be awesomeness
Yay heat...0why am I still drinking??? 0 mebe I shoulda stayed with you guys...I am craving taco.

Gail:
Btw I asked doug if the [shooting] range was open on thanksgiving. It's like your "football"

Self Awareness

Overheard (over"saw"?) on a friend's Facebook Status:

Teresa:
i asked my roommate why i don't have any black friends up here.
he said because you ARE the black friend.

Txt time.

Melody:
Remember no sudden movements tomorrow night. Or secret service might tackle you!

Gail:
Shut it. SHUT IT RIGHT NOW.

Brittany:
Hello Bangs!!!!

Sean:
Just spit out some more racist diatribe.

John:
Word to big bird.