I KNOW i keep doing these, but this time i saved it for a few months and then decided to publish it.
The Filipino has landed.
This is bravo zero. I am at madrone. I repeat: I am at madrone. Over.
Nothing like a vamp to lift ur spirits. BTW guess who has two thumbs and is soooo considering dim sum at this exact moment? This girl!
Just sang Livin' On A Prayer just for u.
Ah. I've got dinner plans =(
(Implied subtext: with a girl)
Sonofabitch, I typed "Kona" and it autotext suggested "Jonas"
Thanks for calling me a bitch.
The process of sending Change Report is like giving birth each time. And I don't mean caesarean section.
Can you grab me one? I got rum.
I was changing [your niece's] diaper just now and she said "i hungry"
Me: "What do you want to eat"
Niece: "Spam, rice, eggs."
And support the president, bitch!
And: "Yelp is NOT a diary, motherfucker!"
Oh! Totally want to go, but I am hung.
Bad news. Might have to break up with joel. Says he doesn't like bon jovi. Doesn't know them too well. The bastard.
Perfect. Miso happy. (i was sitting right next to her)
I bet you feel like shit.
Oliver (right outside my door)
Sup can i come in or what?
CONFIRMED: Avatar uses papyrus subtitles.
Ha ha. Just join a threesome to make it less awkward.
heh fuck that guy
I think you might have texted the wrong dude but it's super-nice to hear from you.
Brittany: From across the bus
Yeah u? Lookin mighty fine in dem jeans!
I'M TIRED OF THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' COBBLER!
Sheesh lady r u alive in there?
The chances of me having a Pants-free NYE are slim to none.
Was I a superhero?
Oooooooooooh. Would it be wrong of me to hit on him if I was your date?
Me to Oliver: Drunnnnnnkkkkkk!
Oliver: It ain't even 8. impressive.
THIS is why i love you!
I fucking hate you.
You, madam, are a lush.
Ok, don't panic if u beat us.
Quit mass texting. I want a personal notice.
c-town for the hat trick!
How dare u get drunk for Rhett?
is everything fucked?
gay men will do that to ya.
Good. Sorry about the poop. Not that I did it.