Txt msgs, First Quarter of 2010

I've decided to only do these once every three months. Every 'quarter' if you will. I promise that maybe one day I will start blogging again.

January

Brittany: Penis

Scott: Scott? Who's Scott?!?

Kat: Dude, fully stocked mini fridge. It's like they wanted me to have a party.

Emily: OMG! Talk with him before he starts tripping.

Oliver: SHOOTIN GUNS BITCHES
Oliver: just guns with the shooting. not shooting bitches.

Brittany: Personalize ur booze texts!
Brittany: I DESERVE MY OWN SHIT!!!!!!!

Mary: Guy in sequin jacket?

S: Those who know, do. Those that don't, yap their pie holes at parties.

Cache: Hehe...I'm a leg humper...hahahahahahaha

Alex: Sweet. You still have time to sober up, go out, and get drunk again. The night is young.

Rhett: Omg. We're playing against Tits-No-Face.

Brittany: BOOM!

Alex: I am going to kill so many villagers. Er, uh, natives.
Alex: Can I borrow you?
Alex: It's not that I want to burn anyone to death.

February

Oliver: you know...if someone were to judge you by your text messages, they might think you had a drinking problem.

Hillary: *we* did, but our team was full of idiots.

Oliver: sick octo.

Bernadette: My mom just said she loves Sarah Palin. Can I get off the rock any faster?

Ron: Hey, what's the name of the hats that Devo wears?

Me: Energy domes. Why?

Ron: Strategic BBQ purposes.

Angela: Now that I'm no longer drunk, I think that rice would be awesome with the beef stew!

Sean: You're running out of time.

Sean: Like a douche wrapped up in the night.

Sean: And I'm here. To remind you. Of the mess that you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me...You you you outta know.

Angela: I hate having to sleep.

Hillary: I might be watching new season of '16 and Pregnant'

Bernadette: "IKEA", not "okra". Damn auto-correct.

Melody: Do people wear super thick snow jackets there? Or would I look like a douche?

Ron: Livin' On A Prayer still equals Candice.

March

Kat:

OMG just ran after my runaway shopping cart in the Ikea parking lot & caught it inches away from slamming into a car. I feel like a superhero.

Scott:

[picture message with a picture of his own copy of this shirt]

"Admit it, you've never loved me more. =)"

Gail:
MAKE MY DINNER U LAZY BUMS

Alex:

I am so proud of you. My hangover is hungover. GOOD TIMES.

then...

Alex:

I think I am still drunk from last night. I feel really salty. Are you still standing?

later...

Alex:

I want to crawl into a ditch and die, but the crawling would take too much effort.

Brittany:

Must. Have. Pho. Tomorrow. Please. Advise.

Gail:

WTF. Bridget keeps calling Steven Colbert 'Grandpa'. 2 year-olds are weird.

Angela:
No don't!!! Be Punk Rock for me!

Alex:

I am RIGHT on the corner of Castro & Market. Total protest action. Gay men in thongs.

Angela:

Rib eye steak blah blah blah

Ruby:

MJ sent us the magic box

Brittany:

Fuxk I want dim sum. Monday...=...funday?

Alex:

Are you serious? 1) Take pictures for blog. 2) This means the Gods don't want you to go home. Think about it.

Welcome to Fresno.

Post celebration dinner, I pull up the car to the parking lot of the restaurant where we're supposed to eat. I see a man standing on the other end of the parking lot bleeding profusely from his general head area.

As I pull up, my friend who is already there runs to my window, I roll it down.

N: We're not eating here.

me: Does it have to do with the bleeding gentleman behind me?

N: That's part of it, but really...they don't serve booze here.

"Song in My Head" by Sherwood

an older song..it came on internet radio and I realized it's on my iPod somewhere because it was on the original MySpace CD. Yeah, remember that whole thing? When that was a big deal?

Anyway, tonight's Insomnia-Inspired-To-Find-Video is "Song in My Head" by Sherwood.




This is what pisses me off about no more MTV the way it used to be, I've never seen this video before in my life and it's 3 years old. Yeah, I hate you right now, MTV.

Yes, I'd be mad.

Ron: hey so
Ron: if i sf sinks into the ocean after i leave it.. would u be mad?
Ron: *shifty eyes*
Candice: um
Candice:yes
Candice:all my stuff's here
Ron: ok
Candice:so are you coming up?!
Ron: some were speculating that it didn't belong on the "DO NOT DO" list
Candice: i think it belongs on the DO NOT DO list
Candice:also
Candice: it's where star trek academy is supposed to be one day
Ron: well
Ron: they could rebuild san fran
Candice: right
Candice: but
Candice: again
Candice: all my stuff's here.
Ron: so it stays where it is
Candice: thanks!

Why do I keep clicking?

Oh, my habit of clicking on links.
Sean: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/v22940/1854/24/n100000273806139_4960.jpg

me: thefuck i just click on!?

12:02 AM helllooo

Sean: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/v22940/1854/24/n100000273806139_4960.jpg

me: why is this happening to me

Sean: http://bit.ly/9Blv5P

12:03 AM me: am i in the nightmare?

isweartogod if a tinyurl shows up

12:04 AM Sean: http://tinyurl.com/yg2rmuv

me: SONOFA I STILL CLICKED ON IT

Sean: haha

alright, this one is good

http://is.gd/7cEPE

12:05 AM me: that's odd.

never felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

Sean: welcome to OFA!

9 minutes later
Sean: [new link]
me: I don't want to click it.

What's better?

Q: What's better than enjoying $2 draft beers at a great uncrowded bar?

A: Walking up and asking if the happy hour is still going...and getting this answer:
"Everything's free until 11:30pm tonight."



WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?




(photo by Flickr user giniger)

Goodbye 2009, hello 2010. hi text messages.

I KNOW i keep doing these, but this time i saved it for a few months and then decided to publish it.

November:

Richard:
The Filipino has landed.

Alex:
This is bravo zero. I am at madrone. I repeat: I am at madrone. Over.

Brittany:
Nothing like a vamp to lift ur spirits. BTW guess who has two thumbs and is soooo considering dim sum at this exact moment? This girl!

Brittany:
Just sang Livin' On A Prayer just for u.

Scott:
Ah. I've got dinner plans =(
(Implied subtext: with a girl)

Alex:
Sonofabitch, I typed "Kona" and it autotext suggested "Jonas"

December:

Brent:
Thanks for calling me a bitch.

Sean:
The process of sending Change Report is like giving birth each time. And I don't mean caesarean section.

Stan:
Can you grab me one? I got rum.

Sister:
I was changing [your niece's] diaper just now and she said "i hungry"
Me: "What do you want to eat"
Niece: "Spam, rice, eggs."
NO LIE.

Sean:
And support the president, bitch!
And: "Yelp is NOT a diary, motherfucker!"

Scott:
Oh! Totally want to go, but I am hung.

(over)


Melody:
Bad news. Might have to break up with joel. Says he doesn't like bon jovi. Doesn't know them too well. The bastard.


Rhett:
Whore.

Megan:
Perfect. Miso happy. (i was sitting right next to her)

Brittany:
I bet you feel like shit.

Oliver (right outside my door)
Sup can i come in or what?

Brendan:
CONFIRMED: Avatar uses papyrus subtitles.

Scott:
Ha ha. Just join a threesome to make it less awkward.

Oliver:
heh fuck that guy

Alex:
I think you might have texted the wrong dude but it's super-nice to hear from you.

Brittany: From across the bus
Yeah u? Lookin mighty fine in dem jeans!

Scott:
I'M TIRED OF THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' COBBLER!

Gail:
Sheesh lady r u alive in there?

Person:
The chances of me having a Pants-free NYE are slim to none.


JANUARY

Oliver:
Was I a superhero?

Anonymous male:
Oooooooooooh. Would it be wrong of me to hit on him if I was your date?

Me to Oliver: Drunnnnnnkkkkkk!
Oliver: It ain't even 8. impressive.

Brittany (6:52pm):
THIS is why i love you!
Brittany (6:55pm):
I fucking hate you.

Oliver:
You, madam, are a lush.

Rhett:
Ok, don't panic if u beat us.

Rhett:
Quit mass texting. I want a personal notice.
Oliver:
c-town for the hat trick!
Brittany:
How dare u get drunk for Rhett?
Rhett:
THANK YOU.

Oliver:
is everything fucked?
Oliver:
gay men will do that to ya.

Sean:
Good. Sorry about the poop. Not that I did it.